who am i?

SAY YAY!

CT2 is finally over! bad luck to those of us taking bio. had to wait for an extra day for liberation xD well that meant extra time to study, which can be a good thing or a bad thing (:

I think I'm feeling more relieved this time round as I really put in quite a lot of effort... a lot as compared to previous CTs and even promos xP I have never really been good with revision. usually I 'm quite concerned with doing tutorials on time and like taking down lots of notes, but whenever it comes to revision, I just cannot sit at my dest day after day to study, especially if all I do is trying to cram facts into my brain (like for bio xD). revision would probably be less of a chore if I did more exercises, but I didnt even have had the time for that for this CTs. everytime after exam I feel that I could have done more to revise, done more exercises, made better use of my time etc. well despite all that I still do the same thing for the next exam. seriously what's wrong with me? but i wonder if I would really get that much better by doing all those practice questions... but I guess they really do help, just that I havent really attempted. well there would always be regret if you havent given your all in something or knew you could have done more.

in another 6 months time we'll really be liberated. oh wait not really cos there are still scholarship applications and local uni applications. well, I'll be looking forward to that. really. maybe sometimes these things can get very troublesome and daunting. somehow I must be able to psycho myself into a better mental state and face things with enthusiam and positive energy :D haah. I guess I should just be less self conscious and go for it. I find that sometimes I hold back cos I'm not sure if others will do the same. but I guess if it's right or if it's about my own decision, I should just go for it. JUST DO IT (:

I hope it's not too late (:

haha back to blogosphere! lol. its been a long while since i last blogged

just looked at gab's lj! made me feel like blogging again (: i realised i'm not really catching up with friends much. i'm like quite isolated during the hols, cos i cannot sms with my phone, and i dont go on msn cos i dont feel like it xD

something quite exciting happened: i got a new layout for my room!

OK. its not exciting. but i still think its rather refreshing! since the stuff in my room has been moved about, it feels interesting now, compared to the old layout. we moved the piano out into the living room i.e. the neighbours can hear really well if you play horribly.

have been trying to be healthier. hmmm i hope this will work. i'm trying not to like eat too much (till i'm like super full), eat more fruits (yum!), exercise (i went jogging like twice last week?), MUG, sleep and wake up early.

ok the last 2 things havent materialized since its 12.30am now and the third last thing is crawling at snail pace which explains the anxiety (erm, ok not really feeling anxious at the moment)

sigh. my life is quite boring right? oh wells, no interesting stories, no broken family, no fantastic grades, no talents. i honestly think i deteoriated since secondary school. all i do nowadays is MUG and yet i dont do very well.

how on earth does ppl like _____, ______ and _______ do so many things at the same time and yet get fantastic grades? actually there's like hoards of such ppl in RJC which makes things all the worse!!! @$#@^!@%&@*%(!@#^*

god.

[the movie Wit, shown during GP, is really quiite touching and intellectual. quite sarcastic yet subtly probing and moving. the last bit came as a suprise. the class wonders if ms ho knew they had a scene like that......]

i need to PROCRASTINATE LESS. DO MORE. honestly i have no idea what happened to my holidays. mayb i should do a recount of my days like gab so i'll be ashamed and guilt-ridden after each post to remind me that that next day must be more productive. why carn i be more like the rest of the school? does everyone else really mugs??? OH NO.

erm current internet haunts: facebook, animeseason, youtube, mangafox, onemanga, mysoju, watch-movies.net, sogou.com (for the music)

current fav singer: lady gaga. as provocative as she is, i think she's really cool. should search for her video on youtube at the cherrytree recording studio. her acoustic version of poker face was AWESOME! seriously go watch it :D

i just watched spider lilies and ghosts of girlfriends past. well i think the poor quality kinda compromised the viewing pleasure. but the plots are quite good (: the latter's really funny at some parts. the former is well, should i say, thought provoking? its rather abstract in the way it is filmed, and it doesnt explain a lot of things and leaves it to the audience to decipher. which is what's cool about it (:

[chemistry is STILL on my table since MONDAY. and tmr i have 2 tuition sessions back to back. KILL ME. now]

hmm sometimes i wonder if ppl actually read this? oh well it doesnt matter (: haha. as long as i'm happy ranting myself away! whheeee

actually the reason i'm blogging is because NOTHING else seems interesting anymore: i facaebooked, animed, manga-ed, youtubed, mysoju-ed, mugged, ate, jogged, checked email, blog surfed etc etc but still nothing is really that exciting. such that i can look forward to? nowadays not many good shows/animes. they are either still broadcasting or wayyy to long for me to get addicted (then my CTs will really go down the drain) making notes used to be remotely "fun" with some satisfaction tt i mugged, but now its really driving me nuts. SO MUCH NOTES TO MAKE! NO TIME NO TIME. ok as compared to me typing my life again here, i should really either 1) sleep or 2) go back to mugging. and i have to say that productivity increases at night, well if i'm actually mugging (and not like blogging or watching shows xD)

i need to start doing something about uni and my failing SATs. its HONESTLY DEMORALISING.

its amazing how fast time passes by. when we were in sec sch we thought that university and the life beyond are light years away. but now, its just in 2 years' time. it makes me wonder what i have done for these years and what am i going to do in the future.

its surprisingly fast how the first term just went by like that. then the 2nd term will pass too. and then will be the FIRST COMMON TEST. and finally will be the PROMOS. it may just be march but honestly JC life passes (damn) fast. ITS UNBELIEVABLE!!! and i keep feeling that i'm just letting my time slowly slip away from me, like how sand slip through your fingers no matter how well you try to hold it.

i realise i'm really not young anymore. i'm going to be eighteen this year. and that sounds really old alr. i wish to be able to do something in my life that is impactful and memorable. or at least be proud of something i have done for the past 18 years. only when i reflect upon my life did i realise how little i have done, and also how sheltered our lives are. everything is done for us, or at least we dont have to worry about maintaining the house, doing all the housework, cos there will be our parents or maids to help. i wonder how i would be able to handle adult life. sounds tough doesnt it? when you enter the working life, your life would be full of expectations, or for your job at least, and failing is really not an option. i am rather glad that i can still fail things now and live life as per normal.

talking about failing. ECONS TEST WAS A DISASTER!!! i got 10min left to do 2 6m and 8m questions. BRILLIANT. i dont even know if what i wrote even answered the question, cos everything was just so hurried that i barely had time to think >< still its the first econs test so not so bad (:

but the bad thing is I AM NOT MOTIVATED TO STUDY ANYMORE!!!! yea like yanhan wrote we shouldnt be immune to failing! i should be sitting in a corner too and emo about how much harder i should work and not rejoice at the fact that i am sure gonna fail econs test.

not too good a sign for the start of the 2 year preparation for A levels huh.

i didnt revise for maths (ok tt's pardonable cos the test was unexpectantly brought forward), chem and especially econs. honestly, i think i was complacent about it, or rather i did not care if i passed or failed the paper. is it rg that made all the senses immune to failure or wat. honestly (as much as i complain after the test) i dont do much about it before the test. like i totally dint care! (ok bad attitude.) it is not a good start. therefore i am resovled to mug during the march hols. but whether i'll do it is another thing ><

anyway, on a MUCH HAPPIER NOTE, term one has officially ended!! :DD ok but still its mixed feelings, like on one hand time is passing too fast for my liking, but on the other i am quite glad that term one of sch has finally ended (: its so contradictory but watever.... i was so happy that econs test was over as it was the last test of the term!! happiness :DD then we had chorale!! ((: fun-ness (: but mayb its just because we havent seen the fierce side of mr toh YET. well but i still hope that doesnt change my perception of chorale (:

another thing i noticed about jc life is its rather EXPENSIVE. like i can spend 4 to 5 bucks just on food alone in school for a day. that's quite a lot of money, considering that i get 150 bucks a month now. and then there's the march hols which doesnt really improve the situation, taking into account that i'm going back rg for enrolment camp on mon, having KBOX on tues, and class bbq on wed. and probably other og outings and grassroots meetings in sch and chorale sessions and blyc stuff, its gonna be pretty intense with many days outside which mean money money money ><

and for the record i ate pizza hut twice this month!!! well i hardly ate in the pizza hut outlet for a FEW YEARS already. yea. and then we went to settler's last month for og outing and mind's last week for a blyc-linked meeting so to speak.

but still i have to say that jc life has its element of fun. mayb that's why it passes so quickly. but at the same time, i'm falling behind on my work as I HAVE NOT BEEN DOING HOMEWORK AT HOME AT ALL DURING THE WEEKDAYS FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS ALREADY!!!!!!! (screams at the ATROCITY of it all)

really. despite me being not hardworking for some periods in sec sch, this is been THE ULTIMATE!!! though i do do work in sch, i do none at home, which kinda offsets the balance just be a TEENY WEENY LITTLE BIT (i'm sure... LOL.) arghhh.... this is NOT working. officially.

BUT one productive thing i did today was i ran 2.4km!! in the school gym somemore!! lol. tt's quite short already, compared to the canoe ppl who fo like 4km every training o.O but i realised for me running on treadmill is alot easier than on the track, cos for some reason, i dint even feel like i have run for 18min at all!! but i guess it differs for everyone cos some ppl find running on treadmill much harder. oh it was my first time running for so long on a treadmill actually xD cos i dont usually have the privilege of going to a gym often. actually i have only been to one once, and that was in canada just last dec. see, how noob i am...

on another note, i should have signed up for rclf! lol... it looks like a lot of fun. and i think it would be a good experience for me, cos it'll probably be the first time i'm participating in this kind of thing. but too bad i dint sign up for it xP

well i just hope i would make more out of my life in rjc, or even out of life in general. and perhaps just try to enjoy march hols tt bit more (: or rather i think i would enjoy it so much that i would hardly do homework, which will prob be the case >< (bad amy, very bad) now with new found friends and many other acquaintances, who can very well become good friends, i really hope tt jc life can be a lot more meaningful than the past years of my life. but i guess i'm the only one who would be able to make a difference about my own life and how i take a view on different things. and i need to learn to MANAGE MY TIME and PRIORITISE. seriously. like how now i should be sleeping/doing work and NOT blogging or watching dramas >< (guilty guilty. xD)

tata then (:

after a very long time,i'm back to my blog (: no but i dont think i will actually update very often.

4 years of rgs are over and its already jc!! i always thought that jc ppl normally look very mature, but i dont even feel like i'm a jc student xP

and jc life passes so fast!! more than half a turn passed in the blink of an eye. orientation was barely over and now its already week 6 and soon after it would be A levels... the thought of it is so freaky.

now everyone's talking about like goals and the teachers were talking about what we want out of our 2 years in RJC. but there are just so many things in jc that are fun and interesting and i really want to join a lot of activities, ccas and enrichment programmes!! but i'm afraid that time will just slip out of my grasp and jc will be over before i know it...

lol. mayb i should mug less xD or reather me more efficient!! then i would be able to enjoy more of life. now life is presented with so many choices its just so hard to choose... sometimes you have the feeling you can do everything but at the same time you are afraid that you wont be handle it all... i hope these things get sorted out soon.

now i still have the motivation to do work... but i wonder how long would it last. whether i can sustain this and if i wont let everyone down for te big exam next year. i realised that i really have to keep the end in mind, which is mainly A levels, among others things... there are a lot of things in life that i wish are can be perfect or can turn out perfectly, but after these years i realised sometimes you just have to give up some things for others, no matter how painful it can be...

ok. i need to go the house of a colleague of my dad's... gtg(:

Life is drawing without an eraser

arhh. i want this term to endddd..... sucks.... ss was bad and bio was (not so) bad too and my revision is so haphazard! arhh... at least i would have felt better if i dont always revise the night before tests and regretting tt i din do well cos i wasnt taking it seriously enough. lol... i dont wanna flunk this year lehh.

and i dunno if my standards are too low but its not good that they are too high either...

hahs. but what i'm afraid is tt cos i'm like no longer inclined to work hard, i might just really flunk my eya this year >< sighh. but i dont want to think so much...

anyway cry on my shoulder's such a nice song! xD hahas.

some other songs (:

Unwritten

Where'd+you+go

i recently discovered that flickr has such amazing photos!!! its really breath-taking!! gosh....

 check this out (:

http://interestingby.isaias.com.mx/pm.php?id=29789996@N00&theme=white

its amazing!!!

time and time again my self discipline has failed me. and its damn irritating cos i want to go to sleep now. but i still have tons left to do, including geo pt ><

argh. have to bear through this term. then is liberation before o level.

lol and i want to do something meaningful but i dunno wat ):

tmr watching guitar n ringers concert (: but its a matinee so few ppl from our class going xD

i just realised all the PSL when we were sec one are in jc and the prefects n SPSLs are in university already!! i carn imagine what would they look like... ppl like amanda zain n junli. doesnt feel too long ago, but still, they are in uni now.

and so soon FAM is coming. it felt like last year when i came to rgs. all the memories still fresh n vivid. the orientation, the class, the psls, the cca, the friends, the house. but no sec 4's ending

but i dont feel like i have bore any effect on the sch. when all the awards are coming, you begin to think what have you really done in this sch besides studying.

i realised that i have been letting go of a lot of opportunties because i'm afraid of the challenge and afraid that i would fail. many of a time its not about not getting in, its about not trying. being too pessimistic and not confident about if i could handle it.

it quite true that once you have been a leader, its just a world of difference. reading those articles in sch mag spiral about all those leaders, one thing about leadership is always challenge, but no matter how hard it is, you can always pull through with friends and family supporting.

what i did was to avoid the challenge and just live life as it is. now i dont even organise my time properly n everyday is so haphazard. irregular timings and everything else gets on my nerves. n i dunno how am i going to pull through the eoys with such bad procrastinating habits xP

i'll just look forwards to the hols then :D

but before that is a marathon.